Why Am I So Angry

Q: I get so angry all the time and I can’t seem to stop. People tell me I’m out of control.

A: Anger is a difficult thing for everyone. Anger is a reaction to something that’s happened which seems wrong or different from the way we think things should be compared to the things we believe, what we assume to be true or right and what we value or think are important. What I mean is that when something goes against our way of thinking we disagree in our minds. Depending on how important it is to us and how we feel about it, we might ignore it, be mildly annoyed, become visibly upset or burst out in extreme anger. Sometimes we feel embarrassed because we acted automatically and didn’t really think about what we were doing. Other times we are very certain of our anger. What is the cause? Where do you think your anger comes from? What are its roots? Spend some time and think about it for me.

We must also remember that we have all sorts of emotions that come from inside of us. Therefore we can have many reactions to our experiences such as sadness, low self esteem, happiness, disappointment or surprise. Anger is only one of the many reactions we can decide to use or that may develop in us from any given situation.

                So now we need to address the action part of our conversation. What’s to be done about our anger? The first thing that comes to my mind is to remind you that only you can create an emotion inside of you. I know that sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, but generally, you have control over what you allow your body and mind to do. For example if someone hits us, we can hit back, cry, run away, do nothing, get angry etc. We can make a choice in what action we take and how we choose to see it in our minds.

As we have talked about, our anger comes from the way we look at our experiences and sometimes we don’t think about what we do because it is so automatic. Therefore I’m asking you to take a look at your emotions and ask yourself why you are angry and see if you can discover where it comes from. If you can do that, you may still be angry but it will no longer be automatic. You may stop and think about it before you act next time.

 If you are getting angry all the time and you seem to be “out of control” your view of how things should be and the way you are experiencing them must be different quite often. Perhaps you can express why your angry and let people know. Maybe you have a really good reason for being angry but no one else knows why you’re angry. Maybe you’re angry about something that you are mistaken about. Maybe by talking about it, the truth can come out, understanding may result, and the reason for the anger may stop.

                I encourage you to look at what is causing your anger, try talking about it with others, and try to understand the situation from their eyes. Just remember that the other person has their own way of seeing the world and it may be different than yours. But that’s okay

 It’s ok to be different!