My Dad Says I'm Useless

Q: My dad says I’m useless and just a waste of space. Why do I feel like he is right?

A: First let me start by saying everyone has a purpose on this earth and every human being is valuable. When your dad talks about you like that, what do you think he is referring to? He seems to have an opinion on what he values as being useful. He, like everyone else, has his own set of values and assumptions about the world based on his experiences which he acts on and talks about. When he speaks to you in such a negative way and he is able to convince you of his negative opinion, he changes your beliefs of what is good and your self-worth. If you experience this negative verbal abuse over and over again, soon these negative experiences you base your values and beliefs on become automatic and you act on them showing the world that internal negative self worth you have developed.

However, I know that every person has worth, has value and their own unique qualities to offer the world. Another person’s beliefs and verbal attacks can never remove this truth. When you talk about your self-worth you are talking about your Self-esteem. You start an internal voice that tells you what you think of yourself. If you are always telling yourself that you are not useful, not smart, not this or not that, soon your unconscious mind begins to believe these negative things and you behave in ways that imitate those beliefs. What you feel about yourself is not the result of your actions but rather a result of your thoughts. Perhaps you are not the best at certain things – no one is good at everything! Perhaps the skills and values your dad holds over you are not your best strengths. Perhaps your dad’s opinion is wrong or he is judging you unfairly. In any case if you feel like he is right, it’s because you are allowing yourself to feel that way due to your experiences and feedback from your father.

Ok so how do we take action to change this feeling of low self esteem and negative thoughts. Well to start, you can begin by doing things that you are good at and can be proud of yourself for doing them. They don’t have to be big things, just little tasks like being a friend, or being good at one thing at school or even having a nice hair style. Surround yourself with positive things, positive thoughts, and positive outcomes. If you are always surrounded by negativity yourself thoughts will be negative as well so turn it around. When you hear a negative thing about yourself immediately thinking of something positive to neutralize it. Then think of another one to make yourself feel positive again. Only you can make yourself feel less worthy than you really are. I can tell you with confidence that everyone, including you is important and has value.