Why Do We Cry?

Why do we cry?

When we think of crying we associate it with some kind of emotional pain, and yet we also cry tears of joy. We all know by personal experience that both sad tears and happy tears well up in our eyes when we experience a strong emotional response to something. In fact, research has found neural connections in the brain between our tear ducts (Lacrimal gland) and brain regions associated with emotional stimulation. 

There are studies that show children and old aged adults, both male and female, cry similar amounts and for similar lengths of time. However from adolescence to older age, women cry much more often than men. Although our society is becoming more accepting of showing feelings, men still have more difficulty crying in public than women. By keeping a stiff upper lip and maintaining the tension in their face they can temporarily postpone crying while they attempt to transfer their thoughts onto something else.

There are 3 kinds of tears. Basal tears keep our eyes lubricated and reflex tears operate to flush irritations or foreign objects from our eyes. The third kind is emotional tears which operate through the emotional part of our brain called the limbic system during feelings of intense pain or strong emotions. These emotional tears contain higher levels of hormones than the other types of tears, so it is thought that these tears are the body’s way of flushing out the build up of hormones in the body. Many people state how much better they feel after having a good cry especially when there were others around to support them. Those who are able to cry also tend to be healthier than those who hold their emotions inside them and don’t cry.

It is natural to assume we cry because our emotions have reached a point that we just can’t handle anymore. Some say it’s kind of like opining a relief valve to let out the pressure. In fact, evidence suggests that we don’t cry when we feel pain or strong emotion but we cry after the worst is over and start to calm down letting all that built up energy drain out of us.

Some researchers think that crying shows others our vulnerability and helplessness which may serve as a defensive mechanism to show submission to an attacker. Crying also serves to draw sympathy and empathy from bystanders as well as creating an emotional bond with other people. Tears of sadness can send the message that you are in need of help or comforting. We typically cry when we feel safe, so a person’s tears can suggest there is a willingness and openness to accept the help of others like a parent, counsellor, sibling or a friend.

Where do tears come from?

The Nervous System in our bodies is attached to everything. Its two main parts are our

·         The Central nervous system which contains

o   the Brain and spinal cord and

·         The Peripheral nervous system which contains;

o   The Somatic nervous system giving us voluntary control mainly of our muscles, and

o   The Autonomic nervous system which automatically controls and regulates most of our internal organs and glands.

Within the Autonomic Nervous System is;

§  The Enteric nervous system which contains nearly 100 million nerves that interconnect in a complex network of nerve fibers to the organs in your abdomen

§  The Sympathetic nervous system is thought to prime the body for action, is constantly active keeping the body at a basic level equilibrium and it activates the nervous system’s “fight-or-flight” response

§  The Parasympathetic system, which generally works to promote maintenance of the body at rest, is sometimes called the "rest-and-digest" responses.

 It is the Sympathetic nervous system working in conjunction with the Parasympathetic nervous system which we are interested in here today.  

You may have heard of the term fight or flight response which is initiated by the sympathetic nervous system. This is your body’s reaction to a stressful experience or event when the body feels the need to quickly escape from dangerous situations or to stay and fight it head on. Your body supplies you with extra energy and healing properties, increases the blood flow and oxygen to your muscles, and at the same time reducing other non-essential body functions like digestion, urination, and even tears, while the stressful situation continues.

As an individual is undergoing this sympathetic response, eventually the parasympathetic nervous system attempts to reduce and cancel out the Sympathetic response brought on by the stressful situation. Generally speaking the sympathetic nervous system, in unison and in contrast with the parasympathetic system, acts to regulate the body to keep it in a state of balance and equilibrium. Basically, the Sympathetic system activates and the parasympathetic system calms.

So why do we cry? Have you ever noticed when a young child is surprised, scared or injured there is often a short delay before they begin to cry? Have you experienced an intense emotional event where you feel a sense of shock, fear, anger or surprise at first and then feelings of sorrow and pain begin to emerge shortly afterwards. Your body starts to relax and kind of lets down it’s guard and you feel the tension begin to drain out of your body.

What’s happening is that the sympathetic nervous system acts with a quick response, temporarily halting any unnecessary functions, kind of like the police responding to emergency call. Then later, the parasympathetic nervous system calms things down and takes care of any unfinished business by restarting bodily systems that were temporarily shutdown. It puts things back into proper order, works on any repairs sustained by the body during the emergency and brings balance and equilibrium back to the body.

Tears begin to flow when our sympathetic system quickly slows down, lowering our adrenalin level, and the parasympathetic system takes over relaxing the body. This shift is almost always triggered by some kind of meaningful event. Take the example of a child searching frantically without tears in a very tense and alert state for a lost parent and then upon finding them begins to cry. Or when a loved one is in great danger and you remain vigilant and tear free, but when you find out they are ok you cry tears of joy. We also cry when either we cannot solve a problem just yet or feel we cannot solve a problem at all such as when the lost child looks for the parent but cannot find them. These kinds of tears show that the child has given up, at least temporarily, and their body feels a kind of release indicating the shift from the highly activated sympathetic nervous system to the calming and recovery state of the parasympathetic system.

Remember that both happiness and sadness can both produce tears because tears are simply the result of the body’s shift from arousal to recovery. We merely give it a label based on the situation in which it occurs.

           

What to do when someone cries. Many of us feel crowded and uncomfortable with others frantically trying to help us when we cry. We need a relaxed, safe space to release and sort out our thoughts and feelings. This is not the time to bombard the person with questions about why they’re crying or telling them not to cry and that everything will be ok or worse, trying to reduce the seriousness of the problem.

When others cry it makes us feel anxious and uncomfortable and we try our best to make them feel better as quickly as possible but we cannot simply stop the symptom and assume the problem will be solved. We have to resist the urge to do something or speed up the process and simply allow the tears and the natural recovery phase to run its course. As long as tears are falling let them continue to flow. Sometimes a few minutes of crying can seem like an eternity to us who are trying to comfort a person, but let them release their pain and feelings until they feel satisfied. If it is appropriate you may lightly touch the person to let them know you are present and standing by if needed. Simply by being there helps them to know that you care and that they are not alone.

            When they are ready to talk you can ask them about what they are thinking and what they feel is causing the tears. Let them express themselves and their feelings and listen to them with a neutral and empathic ear.